February 2012
imnotthatkindofgirl asked: did you tell him about how I peed in his cup at the wedding because he was carrying around the gator cup all night? sucker thought i was just being helpful. ha!
Feb 11th
16 notes
GODDAMN IT MAKE SOMETHING UP!!!!!!!
IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE TRUE TELL HIM HIS FEET SMELL OR WHATEVER
Feb 11th
14 notes
1 tag
David just challenged me to find someone who...
Feel free to flood my ask box with hate messages. Detailed ones.
Feb 11th
17 notes
Feb 10th
84 notes
2 tags
My go-to load of laundry, a.k.a. ~the essentials~
Sweatpants T-shirts Work pants Underwear
Feb 10th
23 notes
Feb 10th
32 notes
Feb 10th
1,685 notes
Feb 10th
27 notes
cleverlikewhoa asked: you wash your hair every day? no more grease-rock photo shoots? boooooooo
Feb 10th
10 notes
Me: I think Mom was butthurt about me canceling plans with her last weekend, so I told her we could go watch The Vow together and have margaritas to make up for it.
Him: Nice! That means I don't have to go see it with you!
Me: Bonus!
Him: Wait, is that the one with Channing Tatum in it?
Me: Yes.
Him: Aw damnit, I might want to see that one. He's dreamy.
Feb 10th
53 notes
2 tags
Feb 10th
69 notes
2 tags
Last night as my Kindle Fire powered off from...
“a paperback would never power off on me.”
Feb 10th
44 notes
Feb 9th
1,389 notes
2 tags
I will never be a person who buys thrift store...
and I think I am okay with that.
Feb 9th
58 notes
9 tags
Feb 9th
23 notes
umcanyounot asked: Can you make one of your Sims "Tebow" and then assassinate that Sim? PLEASE.
Feb 9th
33 notes
Feb 9th
28 notes
1 tag
"Val are you eatin' sushi?"
Me: Yeah.
Her: Is it CUT UP?
Me: Yeah.
Her: What's THAT? (points)
Me: A shrimp tail.
Her: [Pause] [Shudder]
Feb 9th
35 notes
1 tag
Update.
She just opened the fridge to get a drink and she saw it. She stared at it for a few seconds and then said: Oh, Valerie. WHAT is this? SUSHI?
Feb 9th
36 notes
2 tags
footagenotfound replied to your post: The secretary in our office is delightfully… Please tell me the sushi came from Piggly Wiggly. Nope. Publix. Sorry to disappoint.
Feb 9th
11 notes
1 tag
The secretary in our office is delightfully uncultured. I believe I’ve written here before about how she excitedly proclaimed that THEY’RE PUTTING WATER IN SQUARE BOTTLES NOW, I SAW IT IN THE QUICKIE STORE, and how she freaked out when I was cutting an avocado at my desk one time.  I brought sushi for lunch today. Send reinforcements.
Feb 9th
38 notes
1 tag
Feb 9th
6,110 notes
2 tags
Oh! I thought of a hobby!
Unsubscribing from people on Facebook.
Feb 8th
55 notes
2 tags
Feb 8th
45 notes
CROUTONS.
Amirite?
Feb 8th
67 notes
1 tag
When someone asks you what your hobbies are
and you realize you don’t have any :(
Feb 8th
59 notes
2 tags
Feb 8th
47 notes
1 tag
Feb 7th
51 notes
“You have pretty hair!”
– Thank you, random student on campus! I would much rather receive a compliment like this, rather than commentary on the roundness of my derriere or my decolletage! This is acceptable to me, and thanks for the confidence boost!
Feb 7th
38 notes
1 tag
Feb 7th
22 notes
Feb 7th
6,313 notes
1 tag
Feb 6th
17 notes
1 tag
Work Pet Peeve
When you stand over me while I’m doing a layout for something in InDesign, and while I’m changing things around you say shit like THAT DOESN’T LOOK RIGHT or THAT NEEDS TO BE CHANGED or whatever. Like asshole, if you give me fourteen fucking seconds I’m about to change that, I don’t need you sitting here giving me step by step instructions, I’m not about to make...
Feb 6th
32 notes
Feb 6th
30 notes
Feb 6th
38 notes
3 tags
Question.
If you’re invited to a wedding on St. Patrick’s Day, is it tacky to wear a green dress?
Feb 6th
35 notes
Feb 6th
682 notes
Anonymous asked: Howdy! I don't have a tumblr account, so I can't comment your posts, but I wanted to thank you for replying to my doggy potty training question, and for posting the follow up reply. Great advice, and it's already working! We blocked off half of his cage, and so far he has had 2 poopies outside! Wow, never in my life did I think I would get so ecstatic and excited about a dog...
Feb 6th
5 notes
2 tags
Feb 6th
10 notes
3 tags
I got an email from Kari re: potty training puppies and I wanted to share her advice for the anon asker: can you suggest to that person that they section the cage off…make the cage just big enough for the dog to lay down.  they don’t want to lay in their own urine and feces, so most dogs will decide to hold it while they are in the cage instead of using it in a small space where...
Feb 6th
7 notes
Feb 5th
30 notes
Anonymous asked: first of all, i love your tumblr, you are awesome. second of all, i adore your adoration of kitties and puppies. since you seem like a true expert in pet stuff, what is your best advice for potty training a puppy? me and my bf just adopted a 3 month old yellow lab from a shelter. so far he is a really good dog, except since he was at a shelter for a month, he is completely fine with going potty...
Feb 5th
4 notes
umcanyounot asked: Can you make one of your Sims have a meth problem?
Feb 3rd
25 notes
Feb 3rd
2,406 notes
2 tags
Just remembered that I drunkenly put the following...
Dick Shaft Clit Jizz Titty Fucker It’s really nice to get notifications like “Mark Waltham and Titty Fucker are totally committed to one another and have decided to tie the knot!”
Feb 3rd
50 notes
I am hungover and probably still a little drunk from drinking too many Manhattans while watching Jersey Shore last night (WHOOPS), so I’m in a silly mood and I emailed Steph to ask if we could be total cat ladies and talk about our cats and it is GLORIOUS. OH MY GOD GUYS I LOVE CATS SO MUCH I COULD TALK ABOUT THEM FOREVER I feel like this is one of those days where I just post every time...
Feb 3rd
66 notes
4 tags
Feb 3rd
41 notes
2 tags
Feb 3rd
56 notes
3 tags
Feb 3rd
69 notes
2 tags
Feb 3rd
6,165 notes