Reba Amoeba

Sometimes you don’t realize what you need until you don’t have it.

I dated my ex for three years. We lived together and even bought a house together. We’d discussed marriage and children and the whole nine. 

But near the end, it became clearer and clearer to me that my needs and wants were not exactly a concern for him. I felt that, during a normal day, I probably never even crossed his mind. He was so wrapped up in himself, I felt like I was in a relationship with, well, myself.

I gave him a month or two to sort out his issues. I told him my problem, that I wasn’t feeling appreciated by him, and that I needed him to be more considerate of me. He was devastated that I was thinking about ending the relationship, so he swore he would change.

I think you get where this is going.

He didn’t change. We broke up. He moved out. We moved on.

I don’t believe in luck but if it were a real thing, I would definitely call my meeting David lucky. David has to be about the most considerate, thoughtful person I have ever met. He is constantly putting others’ needs before his own, and you can tell it brings him so much joy to do things for people. He genuinely enjoys that shit.

Because I had a guy who wasn’t considerate of me, that quality became necessary for any future significant others. And the cosmos sent me a man with that quality in spades.

I think it’s interesting how each relationship changes us. How something that was lacking leads us to realize what we really need in order to be happy. How dating a guy with really low self esteem makes you decide that you need to be with someone who has self-confidence. I don’t regret any of my past relationships, no matter how terrible (and some of them were truly awful), because as I left each one, I took away the attitude that I was going to try for something better next time.

I’m glad I kept trying.